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publisher's desk
Jim Forman Saves the Day
If it bleeds, it leads. You've been punched by a teenage girl before, and you know how awfully intriguing that can be. All the excitement of violence without the harm. If you videotape it, and add the fact that a teenage girl is involved, you have nice girlfight porn. When that Florida cheerleader girlfight hit the airwaves, you watched it and watched it - because that is the proper use for porn - and afterward you were spent, a bit embarrassed at yourself, and you marveled that moving images had the power to stir strong personal emotions. On April 15th I was sent an email with a video attached. In the video, a drunken goth dormgirl, egged on by the drunken videographer, plots an attack on an unwitting girl dormmate, then prosecutes that attack with scuffing, pulling of hair, bad language spoken with urgency. The email had been sent by the target of the attack. Disappointed with the dust-up, she wanted our help in publicizing her grievance. But since everybody knows the Messenger doesn't publish porn, I assumed this was all another one of George Clark's April Fool's jokes. (George is a friend of mine, and my spiritual advisor; as well, he occasionally ghost-writes for me, like he's doing now.) George always renders these jokes on April 15th, because that's especially foolish. 
I like April Fool's jokes and jokes of any kind. And I wrote back to him thanking him for the girlfight porn, commending him for the many typos in his email, and I called him a "f-king retard" because artists use irony when they praise each other.
Well, turns out George was asleep at the wheel with this one because it turns out the email and video were real. And I got a response from the girl's mom. She - who, like her daughter, mangles the English language not for
stylistic reasons but (I'm not kidding) because she cannot help it - took offense at my dismissive tone and challenged my media credentials (to be fair, her exact words were "you deserve to as a professional courteous for the explanatory journalistic professionalism"). And she bragged that she had found a media outlet willing to take the story ... and which would tell the world about my salty language. I couldn't wait!
Which media outlet? Come on, you can guess. They're the principal pipeline for bringing porn into your home every day. Sure, you got it: KING-5 television.
They led off that evening with a crash or fire, some species of tragedyporn. Then Jim Forman somberly broke the story of the gothdorm girlfight.
They showed bits of the video - teasing us first with a viewer advisory - so that drowsy home-owners could see for themselves the tiny manicured
fists full of head-hair, the underfed bodies, the dreary posters and bongs of dorm decor. KING-5 even identified the hapless girl several times by name, in violation of journalistic
ethics.
These are consternating times. We are at war; recession looms. We are imperiled by a changing climate. A bandit has taken our Sonics. Our sacred right to cheap and plentiful gasoline, rice and Chinese toys is in jeopardy.
But a bitter people can always cling to porn when times are bad. Porn lives on.  Thank you, KING-5. --- Banned by YouTube and MySpace!View the girlfight video sent to us by the alleged victim and her mother. Safari users - try Firefox! |
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